Unexpected

Lately I have been reflecting a lot on 2013. It's inevitable when you spend 10 hours a week commuting. This is the time where I analyze, obsess, and think about life's events. 2013 has really been an unexpected year in so many ways. As a family we went through highs, lows and everything in between.  It's been a tough year. 2013 has also been a year or learning and growth too. 

In the early part of the year we prepared for a move to another state for a two year period of time for my job. While a move to another state might not be so terrible we were going to be splitting up the family to make this happen. The kids and I would be moving 800 miles while my husband stayed here for his job. The kids would be with me during the school year because I couldn't be without them. They would then come back to Wisconsin for the summer to spend with their dad. We knew there were going to be challenges with maintaining a marriage and family from 800 miles away but we knew there was much to be gained from this. During this process people speculated John and I were getting divorced and this decision was all some people could talk about. This couldn't have been further from the truth and it hurt me that people would spread these rumors. During the 8 months this was being planned I was a wreck. I knew in my heart this was right but also wondered if we could make it through. In the end the move didn't happen and I fell apart. My husband was an amazing support through this. He held my hand when I cried and helped me move on.

I discovered running this year. I went from barely exercising and not being able to run a block to finishing a half marathon in November.  In all this I discovered a me I didn't know existed. I became less concerned with the little stuff and just started living. I became a more confident me. I am setting a good example for my kids and husband. In many ways running saved me from this crazy year. I am planning at least three more half marathons for 2014 and I hope to run the Chicago marathon in the fall. 

This is me right before the finish line of the half marathon and there was so much emotion at this very moment. It brings tears to my eyes as I look at this and relive this moment.

This is John, Kenzie and I on Thanksgiving after running with myTeam triumph. It was a great experience and even better was that the three of us did it together. 

I realized who my true friends were this year. There are those friends who knew when I needed something before I could even say anything. I am grateful for the friends who celebrated my victories as if they were their own. I am so grateful for these special ladies that have been part of my life for many years and even though we may not see each other as often as we like we always pick up like we never missed a beat. Sadly during this there were people I thought were friends that rarely checked in. I learned that sometimes people will take advantage of you and will assume you will always be there for them but suddenly go missing when you need them. 

My husband and I said goodbye to a big dream of ours. This challenged our marriage to the core. We were forced to be honest with each other.  We realized that a higher power has a plan for us and it wasn't what we had thought. While we still don't have the answers we need we do realize that letting go was exactly what we needed. Letting go helped us to realize what could be.

My hubby and I in Chicago at the Christmas parade.

I was able to give back to my parents this year and it was one of the best experiences ever.  They sacrificed for years as we grew up to make sure we had what we needed. There was never any shortage of love and to this day they are still my biggest supporters. While I can never repay them for all they have done, I hope this summer was a start. 

2013 wasn't my favorite year but I learned so much about myself in the process. I learned the importance of being true to myself. I learned that love is a pretty amazing thing and in the end sometimes it's all we really need. I learned that family is an amazing thing and I am so thankful for the family we have made. Here's to a great 2014 for all my family and friends! 

98

My story starts five weeks ago  when I decided I was going to sign up to run a 10k in September. Yes, me, run a 10k. I have never been a runner so this meant that the next few months were going to require a lot of work on my part. I found a training plan and found that what I was attempting was going to be much harder than I expected. I found on days that I had to run for more than a minute at a time I was challenged beyond what I felt I was capable of. There were days I was ready to give up because I was tired, not seeing the progress that I was expecting, and felt like this was a lost cause. I have never been one to give up so I just kept going. I religiously got up early in the morning even though staying in bed seemed like a much better plan. I repeated some days of the training program until it became easier and felt like I could move on. I am not going to lie, there have been tears during the last few weeks. I found the struggle was more than just the physical challenge. The challenge was a mental challenge too.  Some days I felt defeated because I had gotten slower. I took several steps backwards before I started to move forward. 

Last week I felt like I hit a turning point. I found that my legs didn't hurt as much when I was running anymore and I was getting faster during the times I was running. I was feeling better about my progress. I was feeling so good that I decided I was going to walk in the Bellin Run yesterday. I enlisted my dad to tag along with me. We both had our doubts about how well we would do. My dad was hoping to get done in 1:50 and I was hoping for under 1:40. I will never forget the feeling of walking across the finish line yesterday. It was an amazing experience. Imagine my delight in getting an official time of 1:38. I realized that after yesterday you just have to try even when it seems to hard. It is ok to have bad days because the next day will be better. I am proud of how far I have come and am looking forward to seeing what else this girl can accomplish.


I came home to the sweetest card from my husband and kids telling me how proud they were of me. You better believe I will be saving these things as a reminder of how far I have come.

To my daughters .....

Lately, there has been a lot on my heart.  Some of you out there are aware because you have offered support, friendship and advice.  For that I thank you. This has helped more than you will ever know.  Others have decided that spreading rumors and sharing stories that weren't ready to be shared was acceptable. This has been hurtful. All of this has reminded me that some things don't change and the things that troubled me as a teenager still happen as an adult. Here is some advice for my daughters as you start to deal with these issues.

Life is hard. Like, really hard.

I don't say this to scare you, but it isn't always easy. People will pick on you and friendships will be tested. Those people that are truly your friends will be there when you need it most. People will define your worth by the house you live in, the clothes you wear, or even the part of town you live in. Your value in life is not based on any of that. It is your actions that define you as a person.

I spent much of my life listening to those who thought I was worth less because I didn't live on the right part of town. I tried to find ways to fit in with these people. In the end, it didn't matter because even if I could convince these people to be my friends they weren't going to be there for me when I really needed a friend.

Even though life is hard, that hard work will often lead to something amazing. I went through a lot of hard stuff and as a result I have a wonderful family. That is worth more than anything money can buy.

Follow your dreams
People will doubt your abilities and try to tell you that you can't do something. Don't listen. You two are the most headstrong girls I have ever met and I know that your dreams are going to take you big places. Yes, you will doubt your abilities and question whether you can go on, but challenge yourself. You may just surprise yourself.

Listen to your heart

Deep down you will always know the right thing to do. Listen to what you know is right and don't be afraid to follow your dreams because you are afraid to change. That voice may take you somewhere greater than you ever expected.

Love with all your heart

You two are already headed in the right direction with this one, but never be afraid to love others.  You will be in relationships that may not work but know you will grow from every relationship you have. Never be afraid to love because you are afraid to get hurt. The hurt helps us learn and find the love we truly deserve.

I am so glad I listend to my heart and fell for your dad. He is pretty amazing.


Help Others
 I see the two of you worry about others, and it melts my heart. Never be afraid to help someone in need. Smile at others. When you see someone alone, say hi. It may mean more than you will ever know. Stand up for what you believe in even though it may not be the cool thing to do. The world needs more girls like you. This point leads me to my next ....

Ask for help

Know your limitations and ask for help when you need it. No one is expecting you to be superwoman. Asking for help doesn't make you weak or a failure. There are times where your worries are too great  and you need someone to listen.  Please don't be afraid to ask for help. Your dad and I will always be here for you. Always.

I have learned the hard way on this one.

Travel

Go see new places and meet new people. Take time for yourself and relax. Take in the beauty this world has to offer. We have done what we can to take you new places and will continue to do so. Nothing is better than time spent together. Those are the things you will remember when you are older. Even though it scared you at the time, you still talk about the trips where we had to leave the hotel due to a fire alarm going on off in the middle of the night.

Make Mistakes

You will make mistakes sometimes. We all do. Don't beat yourself up about it. You will learn from these mistakes. Don't be afraid to admit when you have made a mistake. This shows a lot about your character. Others will respect you when you can admit you made a mistake and are willing to fix it and learn from it.

Big things are in store for our entire family over the next year. I know you are scared. I am too. We are in this together. I hope you know how much you are loved.

Don't worry I haven't forgotten your brother. I have advice for him too.

Love,

Mom