I don't wanna ....

Tonight, after about the millionth fight about this house, I have come to the painful realization our house is going to be put up for sale in the next two months. This shouldn't surprise me, we have had land to build our new house for years, have had plans drawn up for the new house and have even started to put things in storage for the new house. This should be happy and exciting but instead I am filled with worry, anxiety, and sadness. We need space and I won't deny that. Five people living in a 950 square foot house certainly poses a challenge.

We have lived in our house for almost 13 years. Probably about 10 years longer than we anticipated when we bought this house. I always said I couldn't wait to sell this house and have a new house, but now that the time is almost here, I don't feel like I can. I remember my husband telling me how the previous owner cried when they closed on the house. He said he couldn't imagine why, because after all it was just a house. I now understand why. This is the place we came home to the day after we were married. I told my husband we were going to be parents in the living room we are currently sitting in. This is the place we came home to, completely exhausted, after having all three of our children, Our kids took their first steps in this home. We have experienced both joy and sorrow in this house. We have had countless fights in this house and have also made up many times. There have been times when one or both of us felt like walking away but we have always come back.

As I wipe away my tears, I know what I need to do. I need to start packing up some of our stuff and get this house ready for the market. Some of the stuff will be placed in out storage unit and some of our stuff will be taken to my parents house (although I haven't told them that yet). Yes, mom that means you get to guard my purse and shoe collection from a little while, but I get them back. The next six months will no doubt be a challenge but I need to remember how blessed I am to have the opportunity that lies ahead.

Today we remember

                Four years ago on our way home from the Milwaukee zoo, we received the call that my mother in law was nearing the end of her life. She had been battling cancer for almost a year and the week before things took a turn for the worst. She was placed on hospice and given a month to live. We knew the moment was coming but didn’t expect it that day. It was the day before mother’s day and we had taken my mom with us to the Milwaukee Zoo so she could spend the day with her family.  We had considered postponing the trip but my sister in law told us to go as her mom would have wanted my mom to have a nice mother’s day.  We were less than a mile from home when the phone rang and my husband started speeding down the road to make it in time. We hit a stop light that was red and I remember my dad telling John to just go as there were no cars coming through at the moment. When we got to my mother in laws house, we hopped out of the car and told my parents to take the kids home. My heart ached for my husband and his sister as they had to say goodbye to their mom. It didn’t seem fair as they had lost their dad 11 years earlier. My mother in law was a very special woman and probably taught us all a few things along the way.

                She always took chances on people and was kind to everyone she met. She accepted me as an important part of her son’s life even though it probably wasn’t easy for her. When I first met her I was a 19 year old college student with an eyebrow ring and John was 27.  She trusted John’s judgment and could tell how much he loved me by the way he always looked at me. She was always nice to those she met. I remember being at a brewer game for my husband’s birthday and we brought cupcakes for desert. Since we had extras we were not going to be able to eat she walked around to those tailgating around us to share the cupcakes. She was always willing to forgive people and give them another chance.

                I am so fortunate for my parents and family. Family is so important and is not just defined by those you are related to. There are a lot of people I consider family that aren’t related to me. When John and I got married and our families truly joined and have been a part of each other’s lives ever since. The same thing happened why John’s sister got married. It was not uncommon for our families to be together for holidays. My mom even spent an evening taking care of my mother in law while she was in hospice so we could have a break. My brother in law’s family have included us and made us feel as if we are an adopted part of their family at times. I will be forever grateful to them for making us feel welcome. My parents have been welcoming and include my sister in law, brother in law and their daughters at events as well. Their daughters even call my mom grandma Judy. We are truly blessed that our children can be part of such a wonderful family and that families can come together like this.

                Tonight I will probably hug my kids and husband a little tighter, thankful for the blessings in my life. I try to remember that you never know what your future holds so live life and don’t be afraid to take a risk. Don’t be afraid to say “I Love You”,  a lot. Never underestimate your ability to impact the lives of others so choose your words and actions carefully.

               

Keep on swimming .....

                Being married and having kids is a lot of fun. There are times, however, when balancing marriage and family challenges the strongest marriages. Last week was one of those weeks for us. There were more tantrums from the kids than normal and there were three nights that either my husband or I was gone in the evening. We are also preparing to sell our house, start building a new house, and move (possibly twice) all within the next 8 months. Overwhelmed is a good way to describe how I was feeling.

There were situations with the kids last week that drove us to the edge. Let me just say that dealing with a pre-teen daughter is a daunting task. We had the great sisterly war of 2012 the other night. Mackenzie pushed her sister because she didn’t like the way she was coloring with sidewalk chalk in the driveway. That ended the outside playtime for her. She of course got mad and told us to never talk to her again. The bad part of this was that I found a note that said “I hate you” under my pillow that night. Yep, that one hurt. I am trying to be understanding because I was there once and at that age everything is some sort of tragedy. There is nothing a parent can say or do to make it better. After getting a taste of what is to come, I have a new appreciation for what my parents dealt with while my sister and I were growing up.  

Saturday night when we finally About 30 minutes after our son went to bed on Saturday night he threw temper tantrum for over an hour. We thought he had calmed down so we decided it was time to get some sleep and then he started up again. I spent about 30 minutes with him in the living room trying to get him to calm down so the rest of the house wasn’t awakened.

                Our marriage and taking time for us was the last thing on our mind this week. My husband and I are pretty good about making time to have a real conversation with each other at the end of each day. We also try to take time to go on a dates regularly. This helps to keep us connected. My mom has always been the biggest supporter of us having time for dates because she knows how important it is for a marriage. This week our conversations were more matter of fact and an exchange of information. It felt like we just existed in the same space and had no real connection. This is a horrible feeling and I wondered where we had taken a wrong turn. I then realized we were spending more time criticizing each other in regards to how we handled the kids this week instead of actually supporting each other. We both have areas we can improve on when it comes to handling the kids and can probably learn from each other.              

                By the time I finally went to bed on Saturday I felt defeated. My husband was already sleeping soundly so venting to him wasn’t an option. I needed something to snap me out of this funk or I would spend much of the night worrying and thinking.  I sat in the dark looking at pictures from our last family vacation to Florida on my ipad. You know what, it actually helped. I couldn’t help but smile while looking at those pictures and remembering all the fun we had on that trip.  I am also going to take some advice I have received from some of my friends (you know who you are) and just keep swimming. This feeling isn’t going to last forever and in the end learned something from this week. I also take comfort that Saturday is date day.