Baby steps .....

I have been working on gathering the courage to publish this blog for weeks now.  I don't like attention on my but I know there are people who may benefit from my story.  It seems like we are so programmed to expect everything to happen right away. The funny thing is that life doesn't work that way. After I had kids I struggled with my weight. I would go on diets, get frustrated when the results were not quick enough and go back to my old habits. That isn't the answer to lasting success though. About 14 months ago I embarked on a journey that has changed me in ways I could have never expected. My success has stemmed from baby steps, patience, and being ok with taking a few steps back before moving forward again. 

On May 5th, 2013  I woke up and decided I wanted to run a marathon. This is comical because I have never run more than a few blocks at a time.  I found some clothes that would serve as workout clothes and laced up my shoes. My youngest daughter came along with me and we took a walk. We walked about 2.5 miles that day and it took me almost an hour. I was sore for days. The old me would have decided that was enough and given up. But this time I didn't.  I kept pushing and trying. Eventually I was able to cover that same distance in 30 minutes. I set small goals for myself and worked myself towards my first half marathon in November. Since then I have 4 half marathons under my belt and am registered for two full marathons. I will be participating in Chicago in October and the Walt Disney Marathon in January. I am so completely nervous about covering 26.2 miles but a year ago 13.1 seemed completely overwhelming. 

A little more than 6 months ago I started added strength training to my routine. I faithfully got myself out of bed at 4:45 every morning to either get my run in or take a class at my local gym.  I didn't enjoy getting up early and missing out on sleep but I also didn't want to take time away from my family to get the workout done after work.

I started to eat healthier but didn't cut out everything I liked. I just started practicing moderation. Eventually I started cutting out some of the junk. Now, our entire family is on a path to clean eating and getting healthy.  My kids are not completely on board with this but I think over time they will realize they are not being deprived of anything and will enjoy the benefits of less processed food. In 6 months I had dropped several sizes and almost 50 pounds.

Recently I also started adding p90x3 to my routine. It has been tough but I continue to push myself past my comfort zone and do the workouts faithfully. I am feeling so great lately and only wish I had done this sooner. My running has improved in a few weeks of this workout and ran the 5k distance 6 minutes faster than what I could run it a year ago at this time.

The bottom line here is that success isn't given, it is earned. Figure out what you want to accomplish, write down your goals and take small steps working towards them.  Don't give up when you have setbacks because inevitably you will encounter road blocks. How you deal with road blocks will determine your success. Keep dreaming big, pushing yourself and realize that the sky is the limit.

This photo is me about a year ago (left) and a few weeks ago (right). 

These are photos from my four half marathons. 

Where's my cape?

It's been awhile since I have posted something that wasn't a race recap but today was just one of those days I needed to get to get things off my heart.  For the past few weeks I have been feeling very overwhelmed and tonight it came to a head as I was washing dishes after dinner. I literally broke down while scrubbing the crock pot from tonight's dinner. I don't know why that moment got to me but I know for certain it wasn't the dishes that made me sad. I am pretty certain it was due to the fact that the kids were in the living room and I was alone for those 15 minutes.  I try to keep that stressed and sad side of me hidden from them.  While I don't want to hide the fact that I am human and moms sometimes have hard days too, I just don't want them to worry about certain things.  There have been lots of changes over the past few weeks and I have been struggling with managing it all.  Sometimes I just need to let it out so you can move on.

A month ago, we met with our realtor and officially put our land up for sale. This was a bittersweet day. We had been planning on building our dream house for years and we recently had to make the call that this dream was not meant to be. This was one of those decisions that challenged our relationship. It took some perspective to realize that this was just a piece of land for a structure to be placed on and home could be wherever we were together as a family.

During the week, I am going non-stop from 5am until about 8pm. While I love being a mom, it is exhausting sometimes.  I am getting burned out from commuting 45 miles each way to work and wonder how I am going to mange all the responsibilities once the kids are back in school. The kids have after school commitments and I want to be there to support them. When I can't, it makes me feel like a failure to my kids.  All I want is to be closer to work but that isn't an option. Hearing it is only a few more years is hard because it feels like an eternity. Winter in Wisconsin feels like it lasts for 9 months of the year. I am trying to be positive but the closer we get to September the more anxious I get. I am hoping for some sort of miracle but I don't think it is likely. Then I wonder what in the world are we going to do when this house finally sells.

I have been frustrated with certain relationships lately. Sometimes it feels like certain relationships are one sided.  While relationships aren't about keeping score, it is hard when you are the one putting in all the effort. It is frustrating when people you thought were friends seems to disappear without an explanation. All I can do is wonder what I could have done differently. I am fortunate for new relationships I am forming with some people that are as passionate about running as I am.

Keeping our marriage strong these days requires a bit of work as our schedules often overlap so our time together is more about quality than quantity. We get an hour for a date once every three weeks and then it is usually an hour at Starbucks. It is hard to stay connected sometimes.  Most of the communication we have these days is regarding what needs to be done in the house and things I need to know about the kids.  Communication is generally through email and texting. Then there is the paralyzing fear that sets in on nights that my husband isn't home within 30 minutes of his shift ending.

As I write this I begin to find myself feeling guilty because there are so many others going through much worse. Even so, we all have bad days and it's ok to recognize the human side and work through the feelings. So tonight, after the kitchen was cleaned the kids and I got into the car, headed to Starbucks and played scrabble while the rain fell outside. While I didn't solve any of my problems during that time, I did forget about them for a bit and just enjoyed the time with my kids.  Tomorrow is a new day and I will just take things one day at a time.  For now, have a good night friends.