Surprise ….. they were listening!

      Being responsible for the well being and moral development of a child is hard work. My husband and I do our best to teach our kids about the right thing to do, helping others and how to act in public. We try our best to demonstrate this to them by holding doors for people at stores, thanking people who have held the door for us, allowing someone with only a few items at the grocery store to go ahead of us in line, donating food to food drives, etc. I think they are sick of hearing about this stuff but we believe these are important lessons to help them be successful in life.  Now that the kids are older and spending more time with their friends they want more freedom.  These teachable moments have become even more important because there are more times when we aren’t with them.  The request for more freedom often becomes a source of tension especially when one child is 10 and the other two are 8. There are things we may let our oldest do because she is more mature than her brother and sister. This often results in temper tantrums, lots of tears, and slammed doors. Our oldest gets upset because there are certain things she cannot do yet because she isn’t quite mature enough.

While the kids were on spring break my husband decided to allow the kids to ride their bikes to the gas station to pick up some butter as we needed it for the meal that was being prepared. The gas station is only about 6 blocks from our house and isn’t in a high traffic area so he figured this would be a good test for them. I was on my way home from work and he told me what they were doing and I immediately started to worry about all the horrible things that could happen to them. I suspect my reaction is the reason my husband made this decision when I wasn’t around. They did a great job and came home very proud of what they had just done. My son even told me that he stayed outside of the gas station with the bikes so his little sister wouldn’t have to wait outside and get scared. As I started to think back to my childhood, I recalled that by the time I was that age I was riding my bike from one side of town to the other to go to my grandma’s house.

After spending much of the weekend on the go with a trip to Green Bay on Saturday and a trip to Milwaukee on Sunday, the kids were a little stir crazy so we decided to let them go to the gas station last night before dinner. My husband gave our oldest money to buy butter since we were going to need it by the end of the week. She took the three dollars he had given her and carefully shoved it in her pants pocket and put a cell phone in her other pocket. The younger two went along with her so one of them could wait outside and watch the bikes. My son had received some money from Easter egg hunts a few weeks ago and he couldn’t wait to spend his riches. He shoved his money in his pocket intent on buying something while he was there. I was nervous the whole time they were gone and asked my husband a few times how long he thought they would be gone for. Within 15 minutes they were back and my son came in with a bag exclaiming he had bought me something funny at the gas station. I was a little worried because he is a boy and our ideas of funny don’t always line up. He proudly pulled out a dill pickle and told me he bought it for me because I like pickles. At that moment I was almost in tears and my heart was filled with joy. He had not only used some of his money to bring me a treat but took the time to pick out something special he knew I would like. It was probably one of the sweetest gifts I have ever received. He had even bought a bag of popcorn for his sisters to share.

Being able to have freedom and do something on your own is quite amazing feeling. I remember feeling like I was on top of the world as I started to do things on my own with my friends, moving away to college, and getting a car. I still find myself amazed that my husband and I are grown ups and are the ones in charge.  That’s a scary thought sometimes. Now that I am a parent, I realize that my parents were probably filled with worry the first time they let me walk the three blocks to school on my own, letting me ride my bike across town and sending me away to college. Even though they may have been anxious, worried and scared about the freedom I was being given they never let me see anything other than a smile. I know that even though deep down I am in full on panic mode I need to put a smile on my face so my kids can be confident as they try something new. They will probably not make the right decisions every time but those situations are what will help them learn and grow. There are days my husband and I feel defeated because the kids seem to do the opposite of what we ask. This is normal as kids are always going to know test their limits and boundaries as they get older and want more freedom. For now though, I am going to consider yesterday a victory!

Spontaneity

        Spontaneity is often forgotten about when one becomes a mom. It is hard to be spontaneous when you have three children and they need snacks, diapers, extra clothes, etc. before walking out the door. I was perfectly fine with that arrangement because I thrive when I have every detail planned out. I feel uneasy when there are details that haven’t been attended to. Now that my kids are older and more self sufficient there is no reason not to pick up and go. I have found out recently that being spontaneous can be a lot of fun and is far less stressful than obsessing over every detail. 

This past Saturday was a perfect example of how living in the moment can fill your heart with such joy. As I was eating breakfast and checking out what was happening on Facebook there was a post from my favorite photographer about a free photo shoot in the park later that morning. Without much thought I yelled to the kids to get ready as we were going to have pictures taken in the snow at the park.. I quickly texted my sister in law about the opportunity in case she wanted to get pictures of her girls. I knew I had to be strategic in getting everyone ready in less than two hours especially since my husband was still outside clearing seven inches of wet, heavy snow from the night before. Somehow in a matter of an hour and forty-five minutes everyone was photo ready. Yes, there was some chaos in getting everyone ready, finding gloves that matched (since my kids could only find the gloves without mates that morning), and finding the kids coats that weren’t filthy from many days of playing outside at recess. Now, anyone who truly knows me will tell you that this is out of character for me as I like to make sure that before pictures are taken all outfits are clean and ready to go, hair has been perfectly styled, and everyone is coordinated.

The fun started as soon as we arrived at the park. Visions of my nieces playing in the snow with their parents came into sight as we approached. The fun started as soon as we got out of our car.  Our kids quickly jumped into the snowball fight going on. My husband and his sister were throwing snowballs at each other and at one point I heard him tell her they haven’t done that since they were in junior high. On the surface it was just a snowball fight but in reality it was a really sweet moment between these two. They are not the type of hug each other or even say I love you. Those things are understood in the actions they take.  I even took part in the snowball fight even though snow is my nemesis. We got some pictures of the kids and were lucky to get a group shot of all of us together. We continued to play outside in the snow well after the photos were done being taken. After we returned from home my heart was filled with so much love and this was truly the highlight of the weekend. 

        I am blessed for those people and opportunities which give you a push to savor the little things in life rather than losing sight in the details. Details are important but spending too much time wrapped up in these causes me to lose sight of what is important. Sometimes I have these grand plans of things I want to do with the family and almost always something doesn’t go as planned and someone ends up disappointed. Going forward I am making a point to do things without a plan as those are the situations that the kids talk about and will probably remember the most.  I think this will help us enjoy the journey as much as the destination. We sure do laugh about the two times we had to evacuate a hotel in the middle of the night after the fire alarm went off.  

Living in the moment

Last Saturday my husband and I did something we hadn’t done in quite some time and that was go out on a date. With the chaos of my college graduation and the holidays behind us some quality time away from the kids to focus on us was much needed. It had been two months since we had a date and during that time our daily routines and preparation for the holidays had consumed us and we weren’t stopping to take a moment to appreciate what we had in each other. I realized it was time after I started snapping at him because our computer didn’t work. It wasn’t his fault it didn’t work but for some reason made him a target for my anger. At that moment I realized we needed to do something about this. This was a turning point for me. Normally, I would have let this fester and continue to make him my target until I turned something minor into a huge fight. I feel like our relationship has recharged since our date on Saturday and we have made a commitment to have a date night at least once every two months.

While we made plans for our date things didn’t go exactly as planned. We decided to drive an hour away to Milwaukee to visit one of our favorite bars and then try a restaurant we hadn’t been to before. My parents had graciously offered to watch our kids for us but they were going to be in Milwaukee during the day so the kids rode with us where we exchanged the kids at a park and ride. Our first stop was Blu at The Pfister Hotel in downtown Milwaukee. We have been visiting this bar a few times a year for about 8 years. The bar is located on the 23^rd floor of the hotel and has sweeping views of Lake Michigan as well as the city. The timing of our visit was well planned as we were able to sip on cocktails while watching the sunset over Lake Michigan. The romantic atmosphere of the bar is what brings us back. We are able to have a conversation with each other and we don’t have to worry about sloppy drunks splashing us with their drinks. We had plans to eat at a restaurant down the block however the restaurant was packed so we walked back down to The Pfister to eat at Mason Street Grill. We didn’t have reservations so we had to sit in the bar which was probably better than sitting in the dining room as there was a band playing as we ate.

What got me thinking since our date on Saturday was that the dates which are most memorable are those that are not over planned and we just live in the moment. Some of the worst dates we have were because I had  unrealistic expectations or expected perfection. I have had this idea in my head for years that romance equaled my husband orchestrating some elaborate date with some sort of “wow” factor. I am going to blame this on shows like The Bachelor that focus on elaborate dates with helicopter rides, being serenaded by Train, or having a romantic date someplace exotic.   In reality this isn’t romance, because it is assistants, interns and producers planning these elaborate dates using the television network’s money.  People can hardly be surprised when these relationships don’t survive after the show is over because the couple is forced into reality where every date isn’t an elaborate adventure. This type of scenario only leads to a romanticized idea that most men can't live up to. If my husband is reading this post, this is the point i where I expect my husband to start chuckling or gloating because he realizes he has been right all these years. Yes, I am admitting in writing that I was wrong and that all dates don’t need to be carried out with some grand romantic gesture for them to actually be romantic. Simple is actually better most of the time. Walking down the street with my husband holding hands, sneaking a kiss and hearing the sounds of Snow Patrol blaring from one of the bars we walked was pretty great. It is these moments that remind me why I fell in love with him.