Being responsible for the well being and moral development of a child is hard work. My husband and I do our best to teach our kids about the right thing to do, helping others and how to act in public. We try our best to demonstrate this to them by holding doors for people at stores, thanking people who have held the door for us, allowing someone with only a few items at the grocery store to go ahead of us in line, donating food to food drives, etc. I think they are sick of hearing about this stuff but we believe these are important lessons to help them be successful in life. Now that the kids are older and spending more time with their friends they want more freedom. These teachable moments have become even more important because there are more times when we aren’t with them. The request for more freedom often becomes a source of tension especially when one child is 10 and the other two are 8. There are things we may let our oldest do because she is more mature than her brother and sister. This often results in temper tantrums, lots of tears, and slammed doors. Our oldest gets upset because there are certain things she cannot do yet because she isn’t quite mature enough.
While the kids were on spring break my husband decided to allow the kids to ride their bikes to the gas station to pick up some butter as we needed it for the meal that was being prepared. The gas station is only about 6 blocks from our house and isn’t in a high traffic area so he figured this would be a good test for them. I was on my way home from work and he told me what they were doing and I immediately started to worry about all the horrible things that could happen to them. I suspect my reaction is the reason my husband made this decision when I wasn’t around. They did a great job and came home very proud of what they had just done. My son even told me that he stayed outside of the gas station with the bikes so his little sister wouldn’t have to wait outside and get scared. As I started to think back to my childhood, I recalled that by the time I was that age I was riding my bike from one side of town to the other to go to my grandma’s house.
After spending much of the weekend on the go with a trip to Green Bay on Saturday and a trip to Milwaukee on Sunday, the kids were a little stir crazy so we decided to let them go to the gas station last night before dinner. My husband gave our oldest money to buy butter since we were going to need it by the end of the week. She took the three dollars he had given her and carefully shoved it in her pants pocket and put a cell phone in her other pocket. The younger two went along with her so one of them could wait outside and watch the bikes. My son had received some money from Easter egg hunts a few weeks ago and he couldn’t wait to spend his riches. He shoved his money in his pocket intent on buying something while he was there. I was nervous the whole time they were gone and asked my husband a few times how long he thought they would be gone for. Within 15 minutes they were back and my son came in with a bag exclaiming he had bought me something funny at the gas station. I was a little worried because he is a boy and our ideas of funny don’t always line up. He proudly pulled out a dill pickle and told me he bought it for me because I like pickles. At that moment I was almost in tears and my heart was filled with joy. He had not only used some of his money to bring me a treat but took the time to pick out something special he knew I would like. It was probably one of the sweetest gifts I have ever received. He had even bought a bag of popcorn for his sisters to share.
Being able to have freedom and do something on your own is quite amazing feeling. I remember feeling like I was on top of the world as I started to do things on my own with my friends, moving away to college, and getting a car. I still find myself amazed that my husband and I are grown ups and are the ones in charge. That’s a scary thought sometimes. Now that I am a parent, I realize that my parents were probably filled with worry the first time they let me walk the three blocks to school on my own, letting me ride my bike across town and sending me away to college. Even though they may have been anxious, worried and scared about the freedom I was being given they never let me see anything other than a smile. I know that even though deep down I am in full on panic mode I need to put a smile on my face so my kids can be confident as they try something new. They will probably not make the right decisions every time but those situations are what will help them learn and grow. There are days my husband and I feel defeated because the kids seem to do the opposite of what we ask. This is normal as kids are always going to know test their limits and boundaries as they get older and want more freedom. For now though, I am going to consider yesterday a victory!
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